I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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