I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
