I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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