Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
