Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
