HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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