I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
