8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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