Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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