i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
