dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
