I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
