You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize