yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
