it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
