My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
