apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
