everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
