I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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