sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
