i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
