Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
