So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
