we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
