I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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