you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize