i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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