i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize