Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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