I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
