"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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