We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize