we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
