Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
