I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
