I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
