I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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