She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
