i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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