Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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