How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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