then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
