Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
