All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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