As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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