i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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