I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
