The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We are two peas in an std pod
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize