It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
