we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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