i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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