Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
