just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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