Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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