I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
