your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize