There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
