It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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