There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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