I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
