Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
