Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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