Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
