Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
