This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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