so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
