You work out of a Hotel?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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