No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
