Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
