There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
