fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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