Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
