Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
