you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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