I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
