Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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