How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize