Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
