I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize