Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
