just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
