he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
