Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We left the knife in your bed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
