What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I believe in your delicious
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize