Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
