Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
