guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
