He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize