I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize