i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
