Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
