just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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